It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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