the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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