clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
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