What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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