I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
