So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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