the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
