life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Randomize
