You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
