Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
