I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
