Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
