she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
