why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
