you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
