That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I faked an abortion last night.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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