dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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