90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
