I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
