a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
