just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
