the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
