i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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