When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
