don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
