You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
