my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
