I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
