Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
