those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
