Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
