Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
