You just made me feel so damn special
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
