omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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