Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
