I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
