I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
