i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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