i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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