The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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