My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
