bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
