you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
