My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
