The maid of honor just puked.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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