I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
