what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
