we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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