dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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