we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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