i think my mom watched the whole time
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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