ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
