Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
