I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
