So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
