I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
