...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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