the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
