Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
