Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
