try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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